Today was positively lousy. Have you ever worked with someone who completely made you feel like hauling off and thrashing them? Yes? Well today was that day for me.
I'm currently sitting in a small conference room with 3 software developers and 2 other QA analysts. It's very cozy - maybe too cozy. It's a very collaborative environment where we can ask questions of each other and make the process go a little bit more smoothly. One of the things that software developers seem to enjoy is Nerf gun wars with other teams. Even in our little room they'll fire their guns at the wall, targets on the whiteboard, and each other. I've been warning them not to include me -- don't shoot at me, don't ask me to be a part of any of it.
None of the team knew about my nephew Paul killing himself except for my QA Lead, who sits beside me. Today she took insensitivity to a new level. She actually put a Nerf pistol to my head as I worked intently testing software changes on my laptops. Playful or not I did not appreciate it and did not find any humor or mischief in it whatsoever. I swatted it away from my head and she said it wasn't loaded. Low on tact I said 'I don't give a shit', at which point I admonished her and them by saying 'My nephew killed himself with a shotgun and I don't find any of this the least bit funny.'
Well playtime was over. Complete silence came over the room as each of us went back to our own work. Typically emotional, I could not sit there and went to the bathroom to cry it out. Last Saturday marked two months since Paul committed suicide so my emotions were simmering near the surface.
I can't believe that anyone I shared this tragic loss with would ever take it so lightly and be so cruel and ignorant about my pain. Going forward I can't go back to being on friendly terms with her. I will do what is expected of me and I will share nothing personal going forward. I will also step up my efforts to find another job closer to home.